THE JUXTAPOSITION OF LIFE.
So I was going to post something totally different for my second post and I promised myself I wouldn't be the person who only blogs once a month but life seems to keep getting in the way! I have decided to give you a little dose of what I do EVERY DAY. Whether I like it or not, I get eaten up my Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest on the daily. Like many people (especially women), I see how well others are doing and I get down on myself. "comparison is the thief of joy" - so we have seen so many times... right... so I try and be better and ignore other peoples victories or at least simply applaud them for it. But it eats away at me and I forget to celebrate my victories. The last week I was published in my first magazine (yay!) on a blog twice, featured in an article and I was feeling so accomplished when I realized that non of these things have to do with what I do full time 24/7 - being a mom!
So here's when the perfect storm hits...I'm watching my boys, making dinner at noon as they eat lunch, feeling great about all these business accomplishments and taking a quick moment to check my instagram for the first time (at that moment I had hit 901 followers! YAY and THANK YOU!) I realize I smell poop! My son is potty training and decided to go to the bathroom, wipe his own bum and smear it on the floor- literally it was 2 minutes since I checked on them around the corner eating lunch! I spent 45 minutes cleaning, a few tears from all of us, consoling my son because I lost my cool and got mad and he knew it was wrong to make the mess but he had at least tried to go potty!
Then suddenly I felt like everything was wrong- I got lost in the guilt and stress and being overwhelmed- even though we had just, 10 minutes before, been having a great morning where mommy was 100% with the kids, the house was clean (minus 5 loads of laundry to fold) and I hadn't looked at my email in 2 hours. I broke down and felt like my life was a mess- what am I doing?! I should only focus on my kids, I can't work, I can't make yummy food at noon! Things were falling apart- in an instant - then I stood back...I have never in my life heard of a mom that can do everything including their own business with no mistakes! There are very few true examples of what it is REALLY like on instagram or Facebook- business mamas don't usually show all the mess- why would clients want to know that we fall apart and lose our cool!
I don't want my life to be perfect and pretty, I like the messy. I, like many people I know, get engrossed and overwhelmed in the stress and craziness of everyday work but when I really take a moment to laugh at myself - and this beautiful mess I've created- it works, because it has to.
My business is my baby and my kids are also my everything and with the messes also comes victories.
So I celebrated that my son tried to go potty on his own and I took a moment before nap to love each of them as fiercely as I could. I am going to try and laugh more at the super fails because they don't take away from the victories they just make everything more real!
I used to love art and the juxtaposition of two things that just clashed - it always caught my eye. When two things that aren't supposed to go together just do... Its beautiful. You make it work and you figure it out and you fight for it. We grow from juxtaposition, to find how we can make things work- to find the beauty in the stress, and the guilt, and the fails. I will have to remind myself of this again later today, but I will remember the beauty of being given the privilege to raise children and run a business that people depend on me for.